2022 04 25

a body of my own

cw: self harm, dysphoria

that disgusting creature is in your bedroom again, and it's about time you sorted it out.

i slowly turn my head around the door and take a peak, a pair of bright yellow eyes meeting mine, glaring. "i'm used to this," i tell myself, and after a sharp inhale i enter the room proper. it stands there awkwardly, its long lanky arms aimlessly flopping at its side. its form flickers and morphs as always, never quite settling in one place, always finding a way to look... "off", in some way. are its arms meant to be that high up on its body? i'm certain that's not what chests look like, either. it seems weirdly large, too, in a way...

i keep looking from limb to limb, passing judgement as quickly and harshly as i know how. as i continue, its form fluctuates more strongly and more erratically, making my job easier. too easy, in fact, criticism coming to me just as naturally as air to my lungs. before i know it, i'm saying it out loud too, screaming even, delighting in every venomous word being spewed out, the creature just standing there, taking it all. well, it seems to be trying to say something, but my own words drown it out, its every utterance unintelligible. i don't care what it has to say.

of course, this isn't going to last forever. i can tell it's just biding its time before it seeks out its sick revenge, leaving its marks on my body, twisting and contorting me. its sad pathetic eyes betray pure malice itself, it will stab me the back the moment it has the chance, it will leave me writhing on the floor, it will leave me begging for death, it will, it will, it will...

crash.

a shower of tiny shards surrounds me, flying every which way, creating a brief cacophony of discordant clatterings, and then everything falls silent. i stand perfectly still for a moment, before slowly lifting my eyelids once again. the newly created carpet of reflective shards is beautiful, sullied only by the stream of blood slowly trickling down from my hand.

i need to clean this mess up.